Written by Scott Setchel for the RSDSA blog.
What happens when the strong get tired?
What happens when we don’t want to fight anymore?
Is this what I am reduced to?
Once I was full of life
Once I was full of joy
Once I was full of laughter
I endured cancer, not once, but twice
I could dance
I could skate
I entertained hundreds and hundreds
Of people over the decades
But, now I am tired
I am fighting a disease that has no cure
I am fighting a disease that no one understands
Unless you, yourself, have it as well
The constant pain is 24/7
It is wearing me down
It robbed me of who I was
It has robbed me of any meaningful future
I can’t do what others do anymore
I can’t go hiking
I can’t go camping
I can’t go skating
I can’t stay active
To do so unleashes an intolerable amount of pain
It’s a task just to get out of bed sometimes
It’s hard to make plans with family and friends
Because the pain can change day to day
Because the pain can change hour by hour
Trying to meet new friends is hard
As they don’t understand this monster we live with
Trying to date is harder
Who wants to attach themselves to such a broken person
The sting of hearing we are just not compatible
You can’t hike or camp or dance or bowl
And honestly, who can blame them
They want a companion to do those activities with
They want someone who
Won’t back out on a date at the last minute time and time again.
Won’t be exhausted just getting out of the car
Won’t lose their balance just walking into a restaurant
Won’t feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you when they touch you.
Will be able to enjoy physical activities
Will be able to make plans at the last minute
Will be able to enjoy the embrace of a loved one without fear of causing pain
They just want a normal relationship.
Well this is my new normal
And it is full of physical pain
And it is full of emotional pain
And it is full of isolation
And it is full of disappointment
And it is dark
And more and more
I am understanding exactly why
It is called the Suicide Disease
So what happens when the strong gets tired?
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